Sleepless Without The Sea

I love waking up to the sound of the sea. It’s so peaceful and it drowns out all the other morning chaos, which in Bombay includes things such as stray dogs barking, construction work and the blaring horns of anything on wheels. I’m not hating on the city (in fact most people who know me well, know how defensive I get about Bombay) but the sea definitely helps calm you down when Bombay gets a little overwhelming and suffocating at times. Sometimes it helps to come home at the end of a long day and sit by the window, look at the sea, listen to the waves, sip on green tea and let the sea breeze carry away all the worries and drama. This is almost a daily ritual for me, so I’m not too sure about how to get through the next 12 months without this beautiful luxury.

Last peek at the sea from my window, before moving to the guest house.
Do you see why I'm making such a big deal about missing this?

The last two weeks have been an absolute mess because of the move from our homely apartment to the guest house. Repair work was much required since the waterproofing decided to give in the day Bombay rains violently graced us with their presence. I love the rain because it makes the city look so green and beautiful but it definitely loses substantial brownie points this time for partially flooding our apartment. It’s a good thing we managed to move out some of our stuff beforehand! I’m mostly glad that none of my leather got destroyed – it’s very likely that I would have cried myself to sleep for the rest of the year if I had to mourn the loss of my bags (my sweet, sweet Chanel) and shoes. Sadly some of the wooden furniture in the house did not share the same luck. So…due to the emergency move, the guest house currently looks more like a warehouse and the extended hours of unpacking and organizing everything is not making it any easier to settle into this space – particular for Mama Bear who has to deal with the movers and construction people while Dad and I are at work.

On a less whiny and more positive note, my room here has a cute little balcony with a limited view of the sea, so all is not lost. Hurrah! Though I do wake up resembling the Grinch (quite literally) these days because the sound of the waves crashing against the rocks isn’t as loud anymore – so unfortunately I have to wake up to the sound of the early rising, evil pigeons that are camped outside my window. So here’s to hoping that I get used to this (for the sake of my sanity and productivity at work). Well, seeing how time has been flying by so quickly this year, I’m going to be optimistic and console myself by saying that 12 months won’t feel like such a long time since!

Sneak Peek Into The Quarter Life Crisis

There comes a time in everyone’s life where they start to question themselves and their actions on a daily basis. You begin to wonder whether you’re doing the right things, saying the right things and wanting the right things. It’s a pretty draining experience because you’re constantly secondly guessing yourself. I can honestly tell you that I’m not even remotely enjoying this phase. But then again, when has anyone ever enjoyed being in limbo?

Turning 25 last year marked the beginning of my quarter-life crisis (oh yeah, it exists and it’s brutal!). All of a sudden I felt like it was time to behave like a grown up without any prior warning. It’s pretty unfair if you think about it – it’s like suddenly pushing a kid who doesn't know how to swim into the deep end of the pool and expecting their fear of drowning to make them swim. That happened to me as a kid and I distinctly remember the incident – it involved me running into the changing room area, locking myself in the one of the cubicles (to hide from the swimming instructor) and then running home so that nobody could throw me back into that damn pool. Twenty years down the line, I realise that absolutely nothing has changed –  Okay fine, I've grown taller and now you can tell the difference between my brother and I, but my fear of drowning is still clinging on aggressively. Hint: Substitute swimming with marriage and it all makes sense in the current context.

The M word is extremely stressful and parents stressing about the M word makes the situation exponentially worse. It’s not like I don’t understand their concerns but at times their point of view tends to unleash chaos in my already sugar high mind. On one hand parents train us and push us to be independent women but when we behave like independent women, we’re told to tone it down because our ‘progressive’ Indian society is still very much male-centric. Some may beg to differ but I genuinely believe that this is still a prominent problem. Take my parents for example – Even though they come from fairly conservative backgrounds, they are open minded about most things and try to find a middle ground where them and I can peacefully co-exist. They really are amazing people (I may be slightly biased but most people who know Papa and Mama Bear will agree with me) because regardless of how adorably old school they are - they believe that everyone deserves a second chance and they believe that people should be allowed to live freely without constantly having to worry about being judged.  However, over the past year and a half, the arguments and intrusiveness regarding what I do, where I go, who I hangout with and why I need to go out after midnight have significantly increased. These things were never an issue before but since I have now 'come of age', it is important to portray the ‘correct’ aka homely image to the outside world. "Even if you're not doing anything wrong ra, people love to talk and jump to conclusions. It's better to be careful during such a crucial stage in your life" - is a frequently used justification to subtly encourage me to tone down my social life. 

Clearly burning bras have gotten us nowhere - looks like we're going to have to come up with something more creative for the Indian subcontinent. Maybe burning aprons? Seeing as kitchen skills are far more important than being compassionate, driven and trying to be more than just a wallflower. But not to fret my fellow single ladies, the past year has made me realise that while the quarter-life crisis comes with it's fair share of stresses, the unexpected experiences along the way are worth the bumpy ride. Not only do they help you rediscover yourself; you figure out how you really want to live your life and who you want to spend it with. Always better to be a 110 percent sure than end up broken and damaged, at least that's what I think.