Where Art Thou, Prince Charming?

Bombay's infectious insomnia finally seems to have made it's way here.

My ability to get some shut eye anywhere at any given time of the day is a long running joke in the Panda household, in fact Mama Bear has affectionately called me "Kumbhkaran's Sister" many a times. Sleep has always been one of my best friends, which makes it even harder for me to understand why it's been evading me recently. While thoughts are racing through my mind like a crowded Colaba Causeway on Sunday afternoon, I sit awake in bed, staring at the ceiling for the third time this week. Listening to Coldplay usually helps pacify my mind on such nights, but even that has failed to fix me this time. In Coldplay's defense, I suppose it does take more than Chris Martin's raw yet soothing voice to help fill the void in my life. No, this is not one of those emotional voids that can be tended to by pep talks from the familia or bear hugs from friends. If only it was, then the solution would be so much simpler. Why aren't fairy godmothers around when you need them? Ugh.

Bombay's been good to me since I moved back. It's given me all the stability that my life lacked previously. But ever so frequently, the stability in my life gets a painful kick from the feisty red one (alias: my heart), as an attempt to remind me that my innovative distraction techniques are only temporary solutions. I've always been a little naive when it comes to matters of the heart; I want to believe in Prince Charming and fairy tale happy endings. It scares the hell out of me sometimes. What if I never find my soulmate? What if we meet while we're both committed to other people? There are so many lingering questions and doubts but the scariest one of them all is "What if I found my soulmate and let him go without even realising it? "

So here I am - 24, single and getting wedding invitations from family/friends. And while my voluntary stint in single-town has really helped me to understand myself and grow, it occasionally gets to me when "concerned" outsiders think it's appropriate to ask me why I'm not engaged or married. Some have shamelessly gone the extra mile and decided it was appropriate to tell me that "my biological clock is ticking" - Of course my biological clock is ticking! Isn't everybody's? Perhaps compromising and settling hastily are the safer and easier exit strategy options for my dilemma, but my belief in cheesy fairy tale endings gives me hope that beyond the mountain of emotionally stunted overgrown "boys", there exists a land of real men (I've been lucky enough to meet a few). So here's to hoping that my nerdy, somewhat cheesy, arrogant (but backed by substance), intelligent and attractive (this is of course subjective, since I find the quirkiest things attractive) Prince Charming will swing by soon and challenge me to a game of Mario Kart. Come to think of it, a few sleepless nights don't seem so terrible anymore. At least I don't have to deal with evil witches, poisonous apples and Rumpelstiltskin.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This was sent to me a few hours ago (as a response to my post) along with a BBM that said "You're just being awesome!" by my crazy but lovable friend Moo. Word.

Slut Walk aka Besharmi Morcha

After taking a tour around the world, the Slut Walk finally made it's presence felt in India as the Besharmi Morcha. Well honestly, it seemed like the protest just created controversy in the media as opposed to really having any impact.

Around the world, women dressed up in provocative clothing and marched on the streets to take a stand for their right to dress the way they want and not be subjected to sexual harassment because of it. While it's great that some women feel so passionately about this, has the Slut Walk really achieved anything besides being a topic of conversation or the next juicy piece of meat for the media to sink their teeth into? Protesting while half naked and in some cases almost naked isn't going to change how people think. But then again that's just my take on it. The creeps that are out there aren't going to care whether you're taking a stand while fully clothed or provocatively. If they want to rape you...they're going to do it regardless. In fact, why give them the satisfaction of seeing your body? Why let them save that image of you in their memory? It wouldn't make me feel any better knowing that some pervert who's watching the protest is sexually harassing me in his thoughts.

The Besharmi Morcha in Delhi was different. The intention was different and women didn't go about it by walking around in their chaddis. They were dressed in their daily wear - kurtis, tees, shirts, jeans, pants and leggings. While one can appreciate that they went beyond the clothing and tried to focus on the bigger picture (pointing out how women can't live their life freely because every woman in Delhi is a potential victim of sexual harassment regardless of how she's dressed), the purpose was lost because it just wasn't possible for a population of 1.2 billion people to relate to this protest. We're still fighting for so many other issues - female genocide, education for girls, domestic violence and equality in the workplace. While these aren't predominant issues in the metros, they are still major concerns in smaller towns and villages. Women who care strongly about these issues took the initiative to educate people on female genocide, they helped set up schools for girls or made the effort to go teach them personally, they taught other women to stand up to their abusive husbands/in-laws while helping them to get back on their feet and they showed the world that women are just as capable as their male counterparts if not more.

Yes, Delhi isn't a safe place for women but how is protesting about this going to change anything in the city let alone India? Is it going to protect girls and women in U.P. who get raped even though they're dressed in salwars and saris?  The Besharmi Morcha is just going to shed light on the issue for a few days before it's tucked back into bed by the media. India is not like the western world. We are more conservative in terms of how a woman should dress and behave because that's just a part of our culture. What works all over the globe isn't going to have the same effect here because we function differently. Things take time and provoking misogynists isn't going to help our cause. Protesting is what we do when we want the government to take us seriously and with the Delhi Police Commissioner making statements such as, "You cannot travel at 2 a.m. and say that Delhi is unsafe…You should take your brother or driver with you", it's unlikely that there will be much support from the government. Taking a stand against sexual harassment requires a lot more effort because it's about subtly changing the mindset of the large population.

For every issue we've had to face as women, we've always adapted and made ourselves stronger. To me, it seems like the best way to win the battle against sexual harassment is by being street smart. Taking a self defense class seems to be a better use of time and effort. Don't just stop at you...teach other women how to protect themselves! This is just one precaution and there are many more that we're all aware of, so there's no point in me getting preachy and listing them. While these might not be foolproof solutions, carrying pepper spray seems to be a better option than holding signs and marching on the streets. As for being called a slut or any other derogatory word that is particularly targeted at women...rise above it. Once you start ignoring it, it stops bothering you and the word  loses it's power. Alternatively, we can always work towards diluting the meaning of slut, just like the opposite sex has done with the words pimp and player but that's just a temporary solution because there's always going to be another word.

There's a reason we lock our doors at night and make sure the windows are closed. It's how we put our mind at peace and make ourselves feel safer before going to bed. It doesn't mean we aren't living our lives freely, all it means is that we're doing it in a smarter way.

FYI - Some alarming statistics from http://indiafacts.in/statistics/crime-against-women-in-india/:

• West Bengal reported 28.1% of total Incest Rape cases

• Offenders were known to the victims in 92.5% of Rape cases

• Among 35 mega cities, Delhi city reported 29.5% of total Rape cases,  31.8% cases of Kidnapping & Abduction of Women, 15.6% cases (111 out of 711) of Dowry Deaths, 14.2% cases of Cruelty by Husband and Relatives and 21.5% cases of Molestation

• 49.9% conviction was reported in the country in Sexual Harassment cases (3,708 convictions out of 7,436 cases in which the trial was completed).

Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara

After two weeks of waiting impatiently, I finally got to watch Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara with the familia. Honestly, I thought the movie would be a disappointment because my expectations were ridiculously high (my friends have a knack for hyping things up and I love them for it!) but I thought wrong. The movie was incredible, I can finally understand why everyone who's seen it can't stop talking about it or using phrases/words from the movie in their conversations. You can't press Ctrl + Z and delete this from your memory because you feel like the movie represents a part of your life. Most of us can either completely relate to or at least see a glimpse of ourselves in Imran, Arjun, Kabir and Laila. This is what made the movie so special; its ability to let each person in the audience leave with a unique self realisation. It could be about anything....love, seizing the day, overcoming your fears or figuring out what your passion is.

For me, all it took was one simple moment in the movie to reinforce what was already on my mind. The scene where Laila borrows her friend's Harley and speeds off onto the highway is absolutely beautiful. It was a simple yet powerful metaphor and before I could control my self, there were tears flowing down my cheeks because it admonished me. That depiction of freedom and no regrets reminded me of the person I used to be just a year ago - free spirited and happy. Don't get me wrong, I'm still pretty dandy but growing up comes with certain restraints that subdue individuality. This seems to be the case particularly in India where everything you do after graduating from college is under scrutiny. It's a difficult adjustment if you've studied abroad and then decide to move back. After getting used to the independence and freedom, it's hard to imagine living life with so many constraints. You get judged for the way you talk, for the way you dress, for the people you hangout with and most importantly for how frequently you party (god forbid!). Initially it got to me because I realised how stressful it was for my parents to constantly worry about what the people in "our society" might think about me. But then I remembered that it's just been a year since I graduated from college, it's just been a year since I started working...I'm still freakin' young. There's too many things that I want to do right now, which can't be put on hold because some people have made it their favourite hobby to pass judgments on others. What's the point in worrying about what others think? I'm not shying away from my responsibilities, hurting anybody or being malicious. So I'm not going to apologise for who I am. Why be a low resolution version of myself for a "society" that's more busy judging others instead of living their own life? I'm going to let Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara give me that little push which was much needed and "seize the day".

It's my birthright to laugh, love and live and I'm going to do it my way.

P.S. Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara is definitely high up on the list of "must see" movies. Watch it with the subtitles on if necessary but don't miss this one!

Hope and Love for Bombay

Last week, someone set fire to my home. Last week, someone made me feel like I wasn't safe at my own home.

Security at hotels. Check. Security at malls. Check. Security at movie theatres. Check. Security on the roads and markets where the majority of Bombay is. Rain Check. Security at hotels, malls and movie theatres isn't going to protect Bombay and it's 20 million + residents. You think people would learn from their mistakes but instead we've just learnt to make peace with the governments repeated mistakes. We've begun to treat terrorist attacks like a bad movie. Watch.React.Delete. Life goes on. Our ability to forget is what gives birth to the sequel.

When New York City was the victim of terrorist attacks on September 11th, 2001, the US government took a stand and initiated the 'War Against Terror'. Whatever Bush's intentions were at that point and whether I agree/disagree with them is a discussion for another time but one must be in awe of how no one could stand in the way of the US government once the decision was made. The attack on the Twin Towers didn't just result in airports screening people like they were felons, it abruptly resurrected a sleeping giant. A sleeping giant that gave hope to the Americans and instilled fear in the rest of the world. How many terrorist attacks have taken place in the United States after that? None. How many terror attacks have been thwarted? Pretty much every attack attempted since September 11th, 2001. In fact, it's been almost ten years since the attack and just a few months ago Osama Bin Laden was proclaimed dead. Here in India on the other hand, it's been less than 3 years since Bombay was under siege by terrorists and here were are...plagued by terror again. What has the Indian government done in the last 2 and a half years besides keeping Kasab alive? Well that and being unable to prevent another terror attack last week.

Yes, clearly the Indian government has disappointed us over the years. Maybe it's a lost cause to believe that the system in India will ever change. Let's all just give up, sit at home and watch the news. Let's feel bad for about 3 hours and then forget that we were ever attacked. Most importantly - let's change our facebook/bbm profile pictures to an Indian flag and show the world that we care.

Did your parents give up on you when you were rebellious and frustrating to deal with as a teenager? Just because you didn't pay any heed to their advice and suggestions, did they leave you to face the world alone ? In most cases, I don't think so. Most parents are patient, they keep trying and hope that you will be the best version of yourself. If parents can have so much patience while raising their kids why can't we have that same compassion for our country? We're the largest democracy in the world...it's a shame to think that over 1.2 billion Indians don't have the power to change the system. The solution in this scenario isn't to give up. You have to keep pushing and trying to bring about a change. No one said it was going to be easy. So don't forgive and forget so easily. Doing so just gives the government a chance to get lazy and make excuses. We have to make sure our voice is heard and our presence is felt. Talk about it, write about it or organise a candle light vigil. The more we do, the more pressure there will be on the government to take serious action against terrorism.There's always power in numbers and there's no doubt that India is one helluva big number.

As the "mango people" of India, we have some serious rights and responsibilities. We are not going to forgive so easily the next time they treat us like fools and think they can get away with it.

The Art Of 'Living'

Whatever happened to the whole concept of “living it up”? Life in the metros just seems to be getting more and more fast-paced. It’s a rat race. If you don’t keep up, you lose. There’s someone younger, better and “cheaper” out there...making you a replaceable commodity. Working 10-12 hours is considered normal. Leaving the office before 8pm is frowned upon. We all get so sucked into the chaos and havoc thinking “I want to make something of myself”. We are defined by the decisions/choices we make and our behaviour towards the people around us. When did work start to define who we are? We are so much more than the work we do and our life is definitely more valuable than what we earn. Somewhere along the line...we’ve forgotten that. We’ve forgotten that money and power doesn’t make up for lost time. When was the last time you went for a play or concert? How often do you workout? Did you sign up for the Salsa classes you were so excited about? What happened to that backpacking trip around Europe that you've been planning for over a year?

There are very few people who have mastered the art of ‘living’. The Italians and Spanish are definitely at the top of the leader board for this award. They absolutely love their wine and food. They make it seem like everything they eat and drink is like consuming a piece of heaven. As soon as it's summer time, you'll see them cycling around...enjoying the warmth of the sunshine against their skin. Whether it’s summer or winter...the cafes are always bustling. There’s music, laughter, loud chatter, openness and warmth everywhere. You remember that kid in school who always had it all? You loved and admired that person because he/she was so amazing but also felt a little pang of envy because you wanted your life to be a little more like theirs. Just a little glimpse of Italian life brings back that feeling. When was the last time you sat out in the sun and lazily read a book? I did that a few weeks ago. It was the most incredible feeling and even though the book wasn't that brilliant, it was actually a more enjoyable reading experience compared to some of the other great books I read recently.

There's so much to do, so much to see and so many people to meet. It's all about how important these things are to you. Make time to do the things that you love and more importantly, make time to enjoy them instead of pressing the fast forward button. Looking back at the past and thinking "if only" isn't exactly a warm fuzzy feeling. Been there, done that. It sucks big time.

Break the cycle. First change the way you think and then learn to say “NO”. It might seem difficult initially but after your first “NO”, you really will start enjoying the perks that come along with it. Make it clear to yourself and others that work is just part of your day and it does not own your day. The change starts within. Step out for lunch once in a while. It gets boring to eat in the cafeteria every day of the week. Tell yourself that you’re going to leave work by 7 pm at least twice a week...maybe then you can finally make it in time for that 7:30pm Zumba class! Exercise does wonders for the body and mind. It’s a great stress buster. Personally, kickboxing is my favourite activity when I’m having a bad day. It’s a great way to get rid of all the pent up frustration/anger by ‘pretend punching’ the a-hole who ruined your day. Had an infuriatingly long day at work? Take a break from reality. Go watch a movie straight after work or do drinks with some friends. It’s definitely more fun than going home and wallowing in self pity. Eat out with your family or friends at least once a week. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a fine dining restaurant or a little cafe…do it because it’s a great way to spend quality time with your family/friends without having to worry about what to cook or order in that night. You can never have enough bonding time with the people you care about. Make the most of this while you can because this is what you’ll miss the most when it’s gone.

Laugh, Love and Live. You owe it to yourself.